Talking to ourselves

  So, lately I’ve been encountering some writer’s block, which is the reason for the lack of posts.  The ideas have been there, but I haven’t been able to proceed with them.  This is always a frustrating experience, although, this time, it did not seem to affect my assignments (which is probably good, as it reduced my procrastination).  This morning, though, the flow has been restored; I wouldn’t say the floodgates have opened, but the waters of my ramblings have been un-dammed in a few places. 

  Perhaps the writer’s block corresponded with the spiritual dryness I had been experiencing as well.  It seemed quite difficult to connect to God in prayer.  It was like I was knocking and there was no one home.   So I started retreating in my prayer, merely going through the motions.  There were some insights that were spoken to me, actually my whole class, but one, yesterday, struck me in particular, “How often is God agreeing with you?”  It occurred to me this morning, at Mass, during my reflections, and in the middle of a conversation: it was like I was knocking on the wall, not the door.  When I wasn’t hearing God’s responses, it’s because my own prayers were hitting the wall and returning to me.  I wasn’t asking God, I was asking myself. 

  

This is not the first time it’s happened, but it is one of the least harmful times.  There are times that I’ve gone on in bliss because I was praying, but only hearing the answers that I wanted to hear.  It’s like God would speak his answer to me and I would deconstruct it, then put it together the way I wanted to hear it.  Therefore, I went about my life for about 9 months after my time of mental anguish, almost completely ignoring the path God had laid out before me.  I say almost because there were a few instances that I listened to Him, such as being a part of Great River TEC #270; other than those scant times, I was listening to myself, my own echoes to my prayers. 

  So, what have you been doing lately? Are you sure Jesus would agree with what you’re doing or what path you’re on?  Are you saying yes, yet staying away from Church, the Bible, and living your faith? Or are you saying yes, because you’ve kept yourself immersed in Church, the Bible, and your faith life? I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that we all listen to ourselves instead of God at one time or another, but we all have the ability to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.  Let’s check ourselves a little more often.  Hope you have a great day.

Symmetrical lives

There are many reasons it's nice to blog; one of these reasons is that you are able to see the person blogging.  You can get to know the person, whether you know them outside of their blog or not.  At least that's the way I've known most people to blog.  They may blog about their experiences, their opinions on certain topics, or they may write poetry or literature.  Although it's not a requirement to be authentic when one writes, it's much more difficult if one is not authentic.  There may be temptations to not be authentic because it opens yourself, makes you more vulnerable.  The more people know about you, the more they can hurt you in some way.  Yet, being vulnerable requires trust and faith; trust in that the readers will not attempt to ruin your reputation, your feelings, your ego and faith that, even if they do, other readers will either defend you and/or there as many opinions as stars in the universe.  Why get upset about the criticism or attack?

This leads to something I realized again, I think it was yesterday.  I was reading a blogpost and was struck because of the symmetry.  I'm not going to go into details, as it's complicated and messy.  It will suffice to say that the other person and I suffered some very similar torments at about the same exact time.  However, it seems that we emerged from those particular trials at the same time as well.  The point of relaying this is to reiterate you are not alone.  Someone, probably multiple someones, is going through a very similar experience as you, good or bad.  There is a peculiar symmetry to people's lives which can bring us together somehow, to experience and see the Body of Christ in each other in a deeper way.  I don't have my mind completely wrapped around the idea yet; maybe I will never completely comprehend it, but it still rings true.

Another aspect of this is: even though it's nice to know that I am not going through it by myself, in that having someone who knows what you're going through and feeling is reassuring, it's heartbreaking to know that someone else is experiencing the pain I am.  The idea that someone is experiencing the pain, the torture, the heart-rending agony that I may be experiencing is abhorrent to me.  I can be a jerk at times, but I don't wish pain, especially that sort of pain, on anybody.  All the time, for a select group of people, and some of the time for some other people, I would much rather suffer through that pain again than to have them be subject to it.  Yet, that's one more thing it seems we're called to: to feel that way all the time about everybody.  Jesus took the weight of sin and death of all of humanity upon Him in His sacrifice on the cross; I would think that's weightier than any other sort of pain.  I'm still growing, and will be for the rest of my life, I hope I can feel that way about many more people at the end of the year, and multiply it many times by the end of my life.  What do you think?

Because I can, and it somewhat, kind of, in a way goes with this topic: I'm going to include Circle of Life from the Lion King.  Until the next time you read/I post.

Friends?

So, I've been listening to a RENT Pandora station for the last four or five days and at least three songs I hear on the station are from Disney movies, mostly from the 90's.  Now, if you know me at all, you know I enjoy both the music and movies immensely.  Lately, a few of the lyrics have really caught my attention and I think about them.

Today, a song from Aladdin came on (Aladdin is tied with the Lion King, in terms of my favorite Disney Movie) Friend Like Me.  If you don't know the song, I charge you to listen to it.  I have conveniently embedded it at the end of this post, too.  I think my favorite line in the song is, "You ain't never had a friend like me."  I don't really care about the double negative in this case; for some reason, it doesn't set off my English alarm.  Actually, I use the line from time to time, mostly joking.

However, the truth is, I do have a friend like you, actually much better than you Genie.  The friend is God. "[13]Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends. [14] You are my friends, if you do the things that I command you. [15] I will not now call you servants: for the servant knoweth not what his lord doth. But I have called you friends: because all things whatsoever I have heard of my Father, I have made known to you" John 15:14-15 Douay-Rheims.


Genie did not create the world or really anything in it, God did.  Genie also did not die on the cross and rise again, Jesus did.  In fact, we cannot force the triune God to do anything against His will.  However, Genie was forced to grant Jafar power against Genie's own will.  He couldn't withhold power from Jafar because Jafar had Genies lamp.  Genie could not fight back.  On the other hand, we can't force or coerce God to do anything against His will; if we could, He wouldn't be God.  


While Jesus called His apostles friends, they still understood they needed to follow His wishes.  After all, He brought salvation and redemption to us, and was faithful to us, even after we were unfaithful to God.  God is still faithful to us to this day.  We love our family and friends, and we should love God even more; because even though family and friends do many things to support us and spend time with us, they can never take the place or responsibilities of God.  So, even though I've got a better friend than Genie, I still enjoy the movie.  Have you thanked God for the gifts He's given you today?

Saints I can relate to..

So, about 15 minutes ago, I got done with a really refreshing work-out.  30 minutes jogging on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical.  I have finally experienced the "runner's high" and second wind; let me tell you, it feels great.  I'm going to keep this up, especially so I can lose some of these extra pounds I'm packing.  Therefore, I'm asking you to help keep me accountable, through the blog, facebook, random text messages, whatever you see fit.  If you don't, I'll know that you all want me to fail and I'll be a sad kangaroo.  (That's a figure of speech, I'm not really a kangaroo).

Anyway, let's get to the main point of this post, shall we?  All saints are legit, right? Like Saints Paul, Peter, Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Therese of Lisieux, Philomena, Pio of Pietrelcina, Bartholomew Longo, etc.  However, with some saints, like Therese, Philomena, and Padre Pio, I've got to ask them, "How in the world can I relate to your life?  You were epically awesome and I am amazed."  Sure, they had problems and there were times that they couldn't feel God's presence, but they never lost faith.  They lived their entire lives dedicated to Jesus, even, maybe especially in the rough times.  There are times when I've been able to relate to that, but there's been one major time where I screwed up majorly.  They are just so much better than I was and am currently.

The thing is, we can always get up with God's help.  I mean, how many times did Peter screw up and he was one of the apostles of Jesus.  St. Augustine, even though St. Monica (his mom) prayed and prayed for him, experimented with many different philosophies and sects, had a son out of wedlock, and at times was a virtual party animal.  St. Bartholomew was raised in a Catholic home, prayed the rosary with his family, then went to school for law and eventually was a satanist.  All three of them underwent conversion of hearts and repentance and contributed majorly to the Catholic Church and were forces for good.  Yet I can relate to them, they screwed up, sometimes majorly; I screw up, sometimes majorly (I haven't experimented with satanism though, just sayin'), and it gives me hope.  We can be like them.  Yeah, we've screwed up, sometimes majorly; but if they can have major conversions and strive to give their all to God, why can't we?

I love all the saints, and I like them all, but finding the ones I can relate to is awesome.  Find ones you can relate to.  It may sound weird, but if they can do it, we can too.  We're all called to be saints.  Reason #34 why I love the Catholic Church.  (Yes, I'm making up numbers, but we'll see if I can get a coherent numbering system to work.)  Have a blessed night and day tomorrow.  And I will probably go in depth about certain saints in the future, cause they're awesome.

St. Philomena and Guardian Angels

So, it was family weekend at Mundelein, which I enjoyed very much.  It was nice having my parents up here and meeting other people's families.  Today, before one of the last family left (they were celebrating a seminarian's sister's 20th birthday), a few of us and the sister got into a discussion about Guardian Angels.  That was fitting because it's the feast-day instituted to honor the Angels that guard and protect us.

Then we got into the discussion about how St. Philomena knew her Guardian Angel's name because Mary the Mother of God revealed it to her in a vision.  One of the other seminarians was very skeptical of this, because not much "historical" facts are known about her.  However, the sister, Rachel, schooled us what was known and approved to be truth about St. Philomena.  So I decided to look her up and she was a champ.  I mean, I find her life to be amazing and you should read for yourself what her story is.  The link that I found which I discovered the most information for her is: St. Philomena.  It's definitely worth your time.

Going back to Guardian Angels, how often do we think of them and talk to them?  I mean, they're there looking out for us because God assigned them to us.  Do you take the one assigned to you for granted or do you think of it constantly.  I try to ask mine to protect me and watch out for me every day, but other than that I don't thank the Angel.  I need to be more conscious in my thanks and acknowledgment, what about you?  Any suggestions or thoughts on Guardian Angels?

In closing, here's the prayer asking your Angel to watch out for you:
Angel of God 
My guardian dear 
To Whom His love 
Commits me here 
Ever this day 
Be at my side 
To light and guard 
To rule and guide. Amen


As an added bonus, here's a video that someone put together to Alabama's song Angel's Among Us

Eyes on Jesus

So, this morning, I got up at 6:30 to be at adoration at 7.  Everybody knows that I'm not particularly a morning person because, if you didn't know before now, I just told you.  I can get up early, it's just not my preference.  However, I still have to adjust to and be okay with it.  We don't have to be friendly, just on speaking terms.  I got about 6 1/2 hours of sleep, so I was okay for the most part.

Ooh, for the most part, that means there was a part that didn't mesh.  It was hard to look at Jesus, both in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar and at the crucifix.  Every time I looked at either, my eyes started to close; so, I was having an internal dialogue with myself and with God trying to keep them open.  I was fighting my body, somewhat unsuccessfully.  Yet, I didn't have to fight at all to keep them open when I looked away from Him.  I had no problem at all and that made me think.

It's so easy to look away from Jesus because following Him can be difficult.  There are things around us that distract us so much that we have to fight to keep our eyes focused on Jesus.  Some of those things, people, or activities are particular to us as individuals (many more than one person struggle with them though), while others are directed at large groups of people at the same time.  Sometimes we fail, or at least I do, and we get wrapped up in ourselves and the things around us because it's enthralling.  However, we get back up and we force ourselves to ignore the things that keep us away from Him.  When we keep our eyes on Jesus during the hard times, the sad times, the happy times, and especially the distracting times, that's perseverance.

We're called to persevere, to say, "God, I'm having trouble keeping my eyes on you, but I love you so I'm going to push through."  We also can't be afraid to ask for help, whether it be "official" spiritual direction, a heart to heart with a mentor or friend or family member.  We can't do this on our own, and God put those people in our lives to help us to Him.  You and I may approach Him as bent and weathered from the storms of life, but He gave us the resources to reach Him.  So, if you need help keeping your eyes on Jesus or refocusing your eyes on Him, ask someone; if someone asks you for help, be the person that helps.  There's a video at the end of the post by the group "Jack's Mannequin" called "Swim."  I don't have any claim to it, but I think it kind of fits with this post.

However, before I close it out, I'd like to give a shout-out to CatholicCollegeStudent.com.  You can find the link for the site beside my blogposts, above the picture of St. James.  It's a new site put together by some friends of mine that is meant to be a resource for Catholic college students, and maybe more.  Right now, there's a few podcasts, some blog posts, and even a video entries.  I'm really looking forward to seeing how the site develops and grows, so please, add it to your favorites.  Until next time.

An encounter

Last Saturday, a group of us went to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago.  We took the Metra to Union Station and ate there.  We sat in the spot that I used to sit in when I was coming back from Milwaukee and waiting for my train back to Quincy.  I had gone to the Pizza Hut in the station (another typical moment for me there) and one of the other guys had chosen the spot to sit in, as he had gotten his food quicker than the other four of us.  I had gotten a personal pan pizza with the breadsticks and drink because it was cheaper.  I knew I would only eat one breadstick, but the other Adam said he'd eat the other two, so I got them.

One table forward in the column to my right, there was a homeless man sitting.  He wasn't asking for any money, he was just minding his own business.  I finished my pizza and the breadstick I was going to eat, then passed the box with the other two to Adam.  He ate one and asked the other three if they wanted the last one, but we were all full.  During that time, the gentleman had gotten what looked to be a small container of candy out and was eating the candy.  I was thinking that if no one else was going to be eating the last breadstick, I should give it to him.  Adam decided to throw it away.  I could have stopped him, I had time to say something, but I didn't.  In a way, I was afraid that the others would think it was a silly idea.  I let that food go to waste.  I was torn, but I didn't act and that's been weighing on me.

The gentleman may have been insulted, sad, or thankful but I'll never know.  I walked away without extending any charity and I'm ashamed that I did that.  I enjoy helping people, even those I don't know, but Christ calls us to it.  It doesn't matter if we enjoy it or if it makes us uncomfortable, we're called to follow Christ and help our brothers and sisters.  I pray that the next time I have the chance to have a similar encounter that I will be a reflection of Christ.  Tonight, I am going to pray for that man and all the men, women and children without a place to call home.

If you have an encounter like that where you live, I'm begging you: be a reflection of Christ.  Extend your hand to your brother or sister.  I realize that it may sound hypocritical, as I was not that reflection; however, I'm striving to be a better Catholic all the time.  Whatever happens in these experiences will make you think and, hopefully, help us become better at living our faith.