Talking to ourselves

  So, lately I’ve been encountering some writer’s block, which is the reason for the lack of posts.  The ideas have been there, but I haven’t been able to proceed with them.  This is always a frustrating experience, although, this time, it did not seem to affect my assignments (which is probably good, as it reduced my procrastination).  This morning, though, the flow has been restored; I wouldn’t say the floodgates have opened, but the waters of my ramblings have been un-dammed in a few places. 

  Perhaps the writer’s block corresponded with the spiritual dryness I had been experiencing as well.  It seemed quite difficult to connect to God in prayer.  It was like I was knocking and there was no one home.   So I started retreating in my prayer, merely going through the motions.  There were some insights that were spoken to me, actually my whole class, but one, yesterday, struck me in particular, “How often is God agreeing with you?”  It occurred to me this morning, at Mass, during my reflections, and in the middle of a conversation: it was like I was knocking on the wall, not the door.  When I wasn’t hearing God’s responses, it’s because my own prayers were hitting the wall and returning to me.  I wasn’t asking God, I was asking myself. 

  

This is not the first time it’s happened, but it is one of the least harmful times.  There are times that I’ve gone on in bliss because I was praying, but only hearing the answers that I wanted to hear.  It’s like God would speak his answer to me and I would deconstruct it, then put it together the way I wanted to hear it.  Therefore, I went about my life for about 9 months after my time of mental anguish, almost completely ignoring the path God had laid out before me.  I say almost because there were a few instances that I listened to Him, such as being a part of Great River TEC #270; other than those scant times, I was listening to myself, my own echoes to my prayers. 

  So, what have you been doing lately? Are you sure Jesus would agree with what you’re doing or what path you’re on?  Are you saying yes, yet staying away from Church, the Bible, and living your faith? Or are you saying yes, because you’ve kept yourself immersed in Church, the Bible, and your faith life? I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that we all listen to ourselves instead of God at one time or another, but we all have the ability to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves.  Let’s check ourselves a little more often.  Hope you have a great day.