Random Listing Before Christmas

So, it's nearing Christmas time, and this is not a post that is like any other of my posts, except in its randomness.  I realize that it's been more than two months since my last post, but I haven't had a whole bunch of time (or perhaps I've just not had writing entries as a high priority lately or managing time to write in the blog), and for awhile I thought it had to be mostly serious-ish entries only.  This past week, I decided to throw that whole idea out.  While there are times that I'm serious, there are also times that I'm very silly (ridiculously so), and this blog is supposed to reflect who I am.  So this entry is going to be a list of some things/people I love, with perhaps an explanation, or perhaps not, depending on whether I feel like it or not.  P.S. the order in which I list things is not necessarily the rank they actually hold in my hierarchy of affection.

1. Transformers: the cartoons/comic books/movies/toys/general merchandise.  I realize that they're supposedly geared towards children, but I grew up watching the cartoon and playing with the toys.  So, yes, while the movies were completely cheesy and ridiculous, I enjoyed all the movies, and will enjoy the 4th that is going to be made.  And yes, I do have an Optimus Prime beach towel that I use.  It's pretty awesome.

2. Penguins: They're just cool.  Yes, they're flightless birds in the air, but once you see them swimming, you'll gain a new appreciation for them.  Plus, they're permanently dressed up, but it seems like in a comfortable way.  They can survive temperatures that are very low, and it kinda makes me wish I had their tolerance.  I don't have a penguin towel, but I do have a penguin shower curtain that I am using in my bathroom at the seminary.

3. Cats: They're so snuggly and independent, but loving.  They're fantastic animals and petting them is so calming.  I'm a big fan of pet therapy anyway, which leads me to the next entry:

4. Dogs: Well, most dogs, I'm not really a huge fan of small, yappy dogs.  However, a dog like a Golden Retriever or St. Bernard would be fantastic too.  Yes, they can be goofy, but they're good companions as well.

5. Taylor Swift: Fantastic person with great music.  Yes, much of her music revolves around break-up songs or "my ex is a horrible person", but she writes what she knows, and seems to write about her experiences and feelings.  She seems to be one of the most authentic songwriters in the major music industry of the last 5 years.  I'm actually listening to the "Red" album as I'm typing this up.

6. John Coltrane: Such heartfelt, easy music.  Easy in the sense that it's easy to listen to.  Coltrane is amazing and I've been on a Coltrane kick recently.

7. Wynton Marsalis: Another brilliant and prolific musician, there seems to be no explanation for his music, you just have to listen to it.  You'll appreciate it when you do.

8. Paintings and Drawings: Communicating through pictures is such a complex endeavour, yet the artists that can do so have wonderful talent. From Raphael, to Van Gogh, to Dali, they all are able to do so in wildly different ways.  Yet they all are also able to convey their meanings in such a complete way.

9. People: Some people are easier to get along with than others, some easier to love, yet each and every person has an effect on our lives.  Some effects we'd rather not deal with, but by their very existence, they have affected us in some way.  They also are made in the image and likeness of God.  No, I may not like every action that some of my friends and family make, let alone all of humanity, and may even speak out against those actions, but everyone is our neighbor.

10. The Church: It's marvelous that even though there have been mistakes made by people in the Church, the fact that God has not let the Church as a whole go wrong.  The Scriptures, the Liturgies, the Deposit of Faith, it's Structure, the Sacraments: it's fantastic.  Do I want all of Christianity to unite, like Jesus' prayer "that they all may be one"? Yes.  Are there ways that we can evangelize better? Of course. But for all the warts that people in the Church may have, including myself, I still love the Church.

11. The Communion of Saints: It's fantastic that we have people that we can look to and say "They were able to do it, so can we."  Obviously, they would all acknowledge the God provided them with the grace in order to do so, but they did cooperate with His Grace, not rejecting Him.  And some of the conversion stories like St. Augustine of Hippo and Blessed Bartolo Longo and the fact that they will intercede for us if we ask them, just like our friends and family here on earth?! It's crazy awesome.

12. Mary: Yes, while Mary is part of the Communion of Saints, she is also the Mother of God, in that through her, Jesus, the Second Person of the Trinity, became incarnate.  She is the Mother of us all, and I have particularly come to love her in the past 3 months, and I am thankful for that.  My favorite image of her is the image of Our Lady of the Angels.

13. My Family: My family is crazy, and I love them.  We're some oddballs but it's fun and while we may disagree at times, I wouldn't trade them for any other family.  Both my immediate and my extended families are very important to me.

14. TEC: Teens Encounter Christ is a wonderful organization, and the people in Great River TEC have impacted my life for the better, so much.  They, along with other friends of mine, have become a second family to me.  Every time I go on a retreat with them, it blows me away, being able to see Christ in each and every one of them, and being able to see how I am made in the image and likeness of God and understanding that more is a great experience.

15. Quincy University: in Quincy, Illinois, my Alma Mater.  So many good times there, so many transitional moments as well.  I grew so much during my time there, and it will always hold a special place in my heart.

16. Knights of Columbus: The Knights Councils are made up of wonderful, faith-filled men, and the work done is fabulous.  I am very glad to be a member of this magnificent organization.

17. The Holy Trinity: Three Persons, One God. It blows my mind.  It's a mystery, and that's one of the things I love.  I don't understand it, and I never will, but it's true. There are many treatises on the existence of God, but we will never be able to understand His...really, anything.  God is so good though, good doesn't even begin to capture the concept because God, in entirety, is more than any of us can understand.  Yet, God loved the world so much that Jesus became incarnate, died and rose again, and sent the Holy Spirit.  The fact that God offers Himself to us that much and desires us to take His offer is mindblowing.  It's fantastic.

I realize that 14 items don't encompass all of my affections and love, and the explanations about my feelings toward them doesn't hold a candle as to what I could explain anyway, so hopefully you weren't extremely bored.  Well, hopefully you may have enjoyed the randomness.  But happy Friday everybody!

First Homily for Class

Hooray! I have over 1200 page views!  Really, it's not all that impressive and as much as it is affirming, I'm just happy that I can write out my musings and thoughts.  I thank God for that.  So, I'm taking Homiletics this quarter and we have to write and preach homilies for the upcoming Sunday.  Therefore, I thought that I might as well share them and see what people think.  This may be making a fool of myself, but oh well.  If I don't share my beginner's homilies, I can't grow, right?  Maybe.

Okay, so this homily is from last week, prepared for the 26th Sunday in Ordinary Time (September 30th).  Hope you enjoy, or at least hope you don't hate it.  And if you have any questions, suggestions, or comments, let me know.  Thank you very much.

                A question that often comes up is “What do I do when someone comes up to me and asks for money?”  When we ask this question, we don’t normally mean, “What do I do if one of my friends or family members asks me for money” because we know exactly what to do in that situation.  We know the person, we trust them, and we’re pretty sure we can trust the person to do the right thing with that money.  What the question really means is “What do I do when someone I don’t know comes up to me and asks me for money?”  Usually, in our experiences, this happens in train stations, airports, in front of convenience stores, or even on the street.  The person may look grungy, untrustworthy, and someone we think that we really don’t want to know.  We are immediately suspicious and jealous of the person.  “What do they need money for? Drugs, Alcohol, or something I don’t even want to know?” 

                This seems to be the way Joshua felt when Moses was told about the two men prophesying in the camp, when he said “Moses, my lord, stop them.”  Joshua’s reaction is similar to John’s report to Jesus, “Teacher, we saw someone driving out demons in your name, and we tried to prevent him because he does not follow us."  Now, granted, neither Joshua nor John were worried about drugs or alcohol and the people weren’t requesting money.   They were jealous and possessive about God’s gifts though.  Eldad and Medad weren’t in the gathering when God poured His Spirit upon those at the tent and the man the apostles tried to prevent from driving out demons was not traveling with Jesus and the apostles.  They are suspicious and jealous though because those people aren’t “one of us.” 

                There’s one particular time, though it’s happened more than once, that sticks out in my mind.  I was at Union Station in Chicago and I had grabbed a quick bite to eat in between getting off one train and getting on the other.  I sat down and was eating when a homeless woman approached me and asked for money.  I said “I’m sorry, I can’t help” which she accepted and walked away.  I did have money, but I didn’t know what she was going to do with it.  I was also exhausted and in somewhat of a hurry.  She had sat down not too far from where I was and was minding her own business.  Her question and my response started to gnaw at me and continued for a few minutes.  In a way, I couldn’t believe it, I thought I may be saving her from feeding an addiction, what am I feeling guilty for?  After those few minutes, I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I finished my food, approached her and said, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, here you go” and handed her 4 dollars, the change I had.  She said thank you and God bless you and I walked away to catch my train.  I had been jealous and possessive of the money I had on my person at the time.  I had earned it, it was my money.  It wasn’t much, but it was still mine.  I had come to realize something, though, when I made the decision to give her the money.  That money wasn’t mine, I had custody of it, but it wasn’t actually mine, so why was I being so possessive of it?

                Moses asks a very similar of Joshua "Are you jealous for my sake?  Would that all the people of the LORD were prophets!  Would that the LORD might bestow his spirit on them all!"  Moses understands that the gift of prophecy is God’s to give and, it seems, desires that all people would be open to God’s spirit.  Moses knows that God is generous and seeks to be that generous himself.  Jesus himself replies to the apostles Jesus replied, "Do not prevent him.  There is no one who performs a mighty deed in my name who can at the same time speak ill of me.”  The underlying statement and question seems to be, “God knows who He gives His gifts to, why are you trying to prevent His generosity?” 

When we see God’s generosity, we are called to be generous ourselves, in imitation of Christ.  While there are times we may be on less of a tight schedule, or have gift cards, there are also going to be the times we may be horribly rushed and have no gift cards, but we do have money and are approached for help.  What are you going to do in that situation?  Let us ask God that He will give us the graces to be generous in all that we do. 

Being humble enough to love

What a fantastic, and fantastically busy, week it’s has been.  The week was capped off by Family “Day”, which more like family weekend for many of us here.  Don’t worry, we have visitors of friends and family throughout the year; however, the Saturday is specifically geared towards the appreciation of family in their role supporting our individual vocations.  Everything’s going fairly well, although time is rushing by quite quickly and it will be time for final exams before I know it.  Oh, I also got to watch last night’s episode of Doctor Who, which was quite brilliant, and the conclusion was brilliant, though a little sad.  Unfortunately, all Whovians (including myself) will have to wait until the Christmas Special to see the next episode for this season; while I will be awaiting it, perhaps a tad bit impatiently, I know the wait is going to be worth it.  Also, Nebraska beat Wisconsin last night, though it was a close one.  It was a win though and that’s what I like to see from the Huskers.

And transition…Now!  Last week I did my best to lay a foundation for the future posts, which was conveniently involved in the title of the post.  So, love…a glorious, amazing, sometimes painful phenomenon.  I’m not speaking solely about the emotion that can make itself known (which is a splendid experience), rather it is the conviction of love.  It’s the knowledge that while you may not get along with a person, and perhaps never will again, you will always love that person.  Because, as mentioned two posts ago, love is desiring the best for the other person, wanting that person to be in Heaven.
So, what does humility have to do with love?  They are two different aspects of the Christian life, how do they go together?  Well, it would seem to me that the first step is asking how do we even know how to love?  We see how people (especially our mothers) love us when we are babies and young children, so we start to see love expressed.  It is by seeing that love expressed that we begin to understand how to love and how to express it.  But how did humanity learn what love is and how to love in the first place?  God loved us (and continues to love us) first; if He had not shown us, we would not have known.  That can be tough to swallow, as we like to think nurturing is loving.  Really all nurturing does is try to ensure the continued existence of the human race through the education and upbringing of one’s offspring.  Nurturing in and of itself does not guarantee love, although one can lovingly nurture one’s children.  Although, without God instilling the nurturing quality in the human race in the beginning we would not have that ability either.  Again, it’s not necessarily easy to understand and that is why it requires humility.

Other people loving us allows us to grow in humility as well.  Sometimes it’s really hard to understand how we are lovable and we question how anybody can love us.  It is then that we try to start driving those others away because when we wonder how anybody can love us, it’s a sure sign that we don’t love ourselves.  So what’s the remedy for this? Maybe you should ask why those people love you, what qualities you have, what is it about yourself that is so special.  This exercise isn’t meant to be fishing for compliments, it’s meant to really get a handle on being able to affirm your value.  Maybe there are people that just throw up their hands and say, “I don’t really know why I love you, I just know that I do!”  We’re made in the image and likeness of God, right? Right.  So, in each other we should be able to see the image and likeness of God, even though we don’t always realize it.  There are also times we don’t realize what we’re seeing, even though it is there.  When we realize that others see the reflection of God in us, it should be a very humbling thing.  Even through all of our sins, misdeeds, and mistakes, people see the image of God in us.  It’s beautiful and calls us to living Christ-like lives.

What about the other way around?  How does humility feed into love?  Pride doesn’t allow us to love because when we are prideful, we are concerned how we can possess and use others.  Pride allows me to think that I am the most important person in the world and that, really, I should be making all of the decisions.  After all, I am the best, most perfect, smartest, wisest, most beautiful person in the world and everybody else exists to serve me.  However, when I am humble, I realize how I can serve God and others with the talents I have been given by God.   When I am humble, I also realize the value that others have and the fact that they too were made in the image of God.  When I am prideful, I don’t know how to love, I am concerned with taking.  Humility allows me to realize that I am creature, not the Creator.  I am unhappy when I am prideful, as I’m only concerned with how I can get ahead of everybody else or the fact that everybody should like me.  Humility allows me to love and help others when they are having problems, and even if I don’t like the individual, he or she is a person too.  Just as I am, every other person is created in the image and likeness of God, and is more complex than I would like to think at times.
This may seem somewhat elementary and basic, but so be it, it’s been rattling around in me all week and I had to get it out.  Whether it was, or wasn’t, I hope you enjoy it or get something out of it.

So, I’m going to close with a Taylor Swift song, as it was the one that popped into my mind.  It seems to be relatable; while it’s about never growing up, I totally see the idea of never allow yourself to grow prideful.  Maybe it’s a stretch, but I really think it fits, as well as a chance to play a Taylor Swift song, it’s win-win.  God bless you all!

In Which I lay the groundwork for future posts on humility

As the days and weeks progress, it seems that I begin to be more and more fascinated and drawn in by the concept of humility.  However, it isn’t just the concept of humility in isolation; it’s also how it interacts with the other virtues and one’s life in general.  Hopefully, somehow it will be integrated into my life as I go through it.  That’s not all!  You all get to go on this journey with me because, as usual, I’ll be working out some of it as I write it.  So it may not be polished, but how many of my entries have been?  I know, you’re worried, “Please don’t write it all in one entry because that’s a lot of writing.”  Well, there aren’t any worries there, as I’m going to try and go through it thematically.  That is, if I can control my rambling…about that...we’ll see.  Regardless, it will be multiple entries, while the number is still undecided right now.

Shall we embark on this journey? I know I’m going to.  Humility, what is it?  According to dictionary.com it is “the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.”  The first part of the definition isn’t particularly helpful, so it’s the attribute of being humble, hooray; although, it is a start.  The second part brings in the word “modest”, which is helpful, but I’d say it’s too strong of a word.  So, let’s go to the English root word “humble” (still on dictionary.com): “not proud or arrogant; modest”.  We still have the “modest” thing going on, but I still don’t like it; then we have what being humble is not, which is another way to start from.  How about we move on to the Latin root, (again, still on dictionary.com), humus: “earth, soil”.  Boom!  So modest should only be equal to humble if modest means “earth” or “soil”; which, while the first definition of modesty approaches it, it doesn’t have that grittiness, if you will. 

Why is that a big deal, and why should we be excited that humility seems to entail, in disposition, being close to the ground?  Now, this isn’t the “low-down, dirty, so and so” sense, that’s why.  Humility means knowing where we come from, that we are fallen creatures.  You know what, though?  We start two places, the second place is the fact that God has bestowed His Grace upon us, in order to reconcile us to Him.  The more we respond to this gift of Grace with Faith, the more we understand about how destitute we would be without His Grace.  If we understand that, we understand that where ever God calls us to is a blessing.  Even when we are in negative situations that bring us down, whether through the causation of other people, natural events, or even through the influence of Satan, we always need to do our best to remember that we could be in a much worse place: without the Graces that God provides and unable to enter Heaven, thus being unable to enter into the Divine Life of the Holy Trinity.

That Grace also enables us to realize humility in a heightened sense:  the understanding that while we start out fallen creatures, God provides us the Grace as well as the knowledge that He has created us with unique capabilities and gifts because of who He is.  We are called to recognize those capabilities, gifts, and talents, using them to show the Glory of God to all people, thus putting them to their proper use.  So, when we are denigrating ourselves and abilities, we are denigrating God’s gifts to us; we are called to develop ourselves and these abilities, knowing they are not ours, but that we are stewards.  It is this mentality of stewardship that keeps us from being arrogant and egotistical. 

This Grace infused humility allows us to grow in humility, faith, hope, love, obedience, everything in life.  I’m so looking forward to exploring this subject and growing in my understanding of it.  I realize you may think this was a slow start, but I felt I really had to lay the groundwork, at least for myself.  As many times, I'm ending with a song: Everything and Nothing by Matt Maher.  God Bless you all.

Priority of Love

So, I survived Totus Tuus Colorado Springs 2012, spent a few weeks at home, and made it up to Mundelein for the Fall Quarter.  I’m all settled in and it’s going to be a challenging quarter, but I’m ready as I can be, especially since this is the beginning of the 2^nd week of the Fall quarter.  I’ve got two papers to write, the Seminary Golf Outing to help with, a Doctor’s appointment back in Quincy, and a trip to the city for my Ecclesiology class this week. Is it a busy week? Oh yes, but that’s September at Mundelein Seminary for you.

One of the topics that I will be coming back to again and again, in the future is the idea (and the virtue) of humility.  It’s such a key quality in the life of a Christian person, it blows my mind how integral it is and I hope it, if it doesn’t already, that it will blow your mind as well.

In any case, this blog post is about another thing that blew my mind.  In fact, my mind “explodes” so often that it’s amazing that it’s intact.  I’m sure it’s only through the Grace of God that it’s somewhat functional.  Okay, that’s me rambling again, surprise, surprise.  So, let’s get to the meat of the post, alright? Alright.

So, on Saturday morning, I went next door to Marytown (The National Shrine of St. Maximilian Kolbe) to do a Holy Hour and go to Mass.  Which was good, what I thought was going to be daily Mass though, turned out to be a Mass where an OFM Conventual was professing his Solemn Vows. It came into my mind that I had the opportunity to leave on a few occasions, but it always came back to not wanting to miss Mass.  So I bit the bullet and stayed. And I am so glad I did, it was beautiful, it was my first time seeing a Solemn profession, and the homily was spectacular; it truly did strengthen my commitment to the state in life I believe God is calling me too. It hit home on so many levels.

Now that I’ve set the scene, I’m going to go back.  I was prayerfully reading Love Alone is Credible authored by Hans Urs von Balthasar, and it hit me, right in the gut. God deserves the totality of our love.  Now, I knew this intellectually and it revisited me every once in a while, but I don’t remember it hitting me in such a visceral sense before.  Since God deserves the totality of our love, that means we need to put God first, at all times.  It also means that our goal, in every relationship with other people, to help the other person get to heaven; to be catalysts for them to grow in their relationship with God.  We’ve heard that every husband’s and wife’s goal needs to be to help the other get to heaven, which is true and takes a somewhat different perspective than helping, say, your co-worker get to heaven.  However, it’s no less of a goal.

If we are putting God first at all times, that means putting His plans for us ahead of our own.  That’s hard at times, I know, and it requires humility, definitely a virtue I’m praying to grow in.  It’s especially hard when His plans conflict with our own. Of course discerning His plans is key, as we can’t just go around doing things saying, “It’s God’s will”, because we’d probably just be wanting a scapegoat for our actions or simply be crazy.  We have to pray, discern, and ask people we trust to give us answers of faith and reason before taking action.  Eventually we do have to take action, but we always need to discern God’s will.

If our relationships do not have God as the foundation, then how do we change that?  What if a couple starts out trying to build their relationship on God and have fooled themselves into thinking that it’s still based on God, but over time have shifted their relationship onto a foundation of each other or even themselves?  Well, prayer, discernment and communication with the other person.  What I do know is that if one of the people in that relationship tries to shift his/her part of that relationship onto something else, even God, without communicating to the other person, that spells trouble.  How can you build or maintain a relationship without communication? You can’t, I can’t, there is no person that can build or maintain a relationship without communication.  Even if we have an imaginary friend, we talk to that imaginary friend and we pretend that the friend talks back and so we’re communicating.  But wait, what if you had a relationship in the past and you have grown in your love for that person.  You have no relationship to speak of now with that person, you’re okay with that, and you’ve understood it’s actually helped you grow in your vocation, what now?  Pray for that person! Again, I know, it’s hard, trust me, but it’s worth it.  The more you pray, the more you grow in every spiritual aspect and emotional aspect, even though you don’t always feel like you are.  We always need to be mindful that God needs to be our first priority in life and keep Him as that.  Then will we grow in love and that’s a good thing because when we do grow in love, we grow in God, because God is love.  If you made it the whole way through, thank you; if you didn’t, I don’t blame you.  I will leave you with a closing song though.

Wandering through the Summer

It's been quite awhile since I've blogged, I realise that; with that, my apologies.  It isn't that I haven't had a surplus of content, it's just I that when I knew what I could say, I just didn't have the inclination to.  It really does consume time in order to blog.  It may be strange that I'm choosing now to blog, considering I'm in Colorado doing Totus Tuus.  Totus Tuus is actually a very good experience and has been helping me to grow.

One of the ways it's helped me to grow is by listening to the CDs from Lighthouse Catholic Media.  As I am the driver (because it's my car for this team), I decided that we should listen to something that we could all agree on.  We all have widely differing musical tastes and though mine seems the most eclectic, this seemed to be the way to keep all of us happy.  Now, keep in mind that before this trip I had never listened to these CDs, so I thought I was taking a chance; what a wonderful chance it was to take.  I had seen these CDs and pamphlets in the gathering space at my parish, as well as others, but was never interested in them.  I came late to listening to them, but they have been remarkable.  They differ widely on the topics, but they are all put together so well.  It's also interesting that the majority of the "major" converts like Peter Kreeft, Scott Hahn, and David Currie have all concentrated on the Eucharist as a key point for their conversions.  Maybe that will be a different topic all together, in the future.

Another part of growth has been being in relatively close quarters with 7 other people for the last month or so.  These aren't just ordinary people, these are all men and women who are on fire for their faith, living it out and growing deeper in their own relationships with God.  Now, we get on each others' nerves from time to time (or day to day), but what family doesn't?  Because the eight of us are family.  And for me at least, the three biggest things that they (and the CDs) have pointed out for growth is: humility, know and live from the fact that God loves me, and an increased devotion to prayer (especially in front of the Eucharist).

Humility:  I try to be humble, but sometimes it's very hard, especially when you perceive someone is saying something that is not quite accurate.  I've been able to resist jumping down their throat for the most part, yet I still have to resist the urge to make a sarcastic comment.  It doesn't always work, or work all that well; It's going to be a lifetime of work for this one.  I've also got to learn that God has blessed me with certain gifts and talents which I can't be afraid to use, especially at the appropriate time.

This will be helped by knowing and living from the fact that God loves me.  The thing is, I know it in my mind and in my heart, but it still can be difficult to live from.  There are always people that will try to tear others down and we are our own worst enemies, as we can find our own justifications in order to live contrary to this truth.  However, if we do not live from this truth, how can we be joyful and proclaim the Good News.  If it's Good News, which it is, how can we show others the love of Christ, if we do not live in and from it ourselves?

This stems from prayer: When we pray, we should be deepening our relationship with God.  We're not the only ones with input in this.  As many wise people have said, "You have one mouth and two ears.  You should be listening twice the amount you're talking."  This goes especially with God; yes, we should tell him what goes on and how we're feeling/thinking, but we also need to listen to Him.  This always seems more effective in front of the Holy Eucharist, whether it's exposed or not.  It depends on our environment as well as making the time to talk and listen to Him.  We have to follow up on that as well, not filling it up with other things instead of prayer.  Those are three things that will help me grow in faith.  I pray that God gives me His Graces to help me even more in those areas.  I pray that God gives you the His Graces to help you in the areas that you need to grow in.  And for today's video, the Apostle's Creed.

God knows...

"Is this a test?! I can't deal with this! God knows exactly how I'll react and it's obviously not well!  Yes, I'm angry at him, heartbroken, and feeling just about every negative emotion right now!  Why in the world wouldn't I?!"  That's exactly how I felt from the middle of August 2009 until about April 2010; even after that April I was recovering.  It took me about until the end of July 2010 to even feel something resembling myself being normal again.  Actually, I cleaned up a lot of the language, which is probably a good thing for this.

"God knows exactly how I'll react and it's obviously not well," is something I started looking back on earlier today;  I've been mulling it over since this morning.  If we accept the proposition that God is a good and loving God, which I do again at least, I think we can be fairly confident that He does not put people through heartbreak or despair or anything like that, but He lets us experience those feelings.  Although, He does test His followers; Just look at Abraham,  Moses, and Job, 1 Peter 1:7, and 1 Thessalonians 2:4, along with a plethora of other Scripture references.  I would say St. Faustina Kowalska was tested, along with St. Damien of Molokai, St. Joan of Arc, St. Peter, so pretty much every saint.  Perhaps it would be better to say that He always has a reason to test us?   It gives glory to God and, in a roundabout (sometimes torturous and confusing) way, I guess it has made my faith stronger.

I really do believe that God knew how I'd react to everything that was happening, even before that August.  At the beginning of the fifth verse of the first chapter of Jeremiah, God says, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you," and in Matthew 10:29-31, Jesus states, "Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge.  Even all the hairs of your head are counted.  So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."  Whereas I couldn't imagine where I would be those two and a half years ago, probably laughed in your face, God knew.  I have grown so much and have so much more room to grow.  God knows and it's still hard to wrap my mind around.  He knew what would happen and He comforted me.  This is probably one of the concepts I'll be dealing with and thinking about for the rest of my life.  I don't know if it sounds simple to you, but this is really heavy for me.  I guess what I'm getting at is, it's easy to say "Let go and let God" or "God knows what He's doing" or even just "Trust in the Lord", but, at least for me, thinking about it and seeing how it has happened in my life isn't simple.  This is a big deal and one that definitely bears thinking about.

Anyway, I'd just be rehashing the same thing over and over, so I suppose I'll close now.  Since it is the Feast of the Presentation of Our Lord on Thursday, I'll leave you with the Gregorian Chant of Lumen Ad Revelationem.  Good evening to you all.

What was that again?

Two weeks ago, I tweeted about watching Antiques Roadshow; it was actually how I preferred to watch that instead of the GOP debate (any political debate actually).  The next day I saw that a few people had referenced my tweet, including Debbie Matenopoulos.  I was strangely pleased, and it's probably the closest I'm going to get to meeting any celebrity.  It was just one comment, and a silly one at that, but the recognition felt good.  

Even if we're not seeking the recognition of others when we do things, it's something we appreciate.  We want to be acknowledged for what we do, especially when we do a good job or a job we don't really want to do.  Regardless of whether those who recognize us have a degree of fame or not, the affirmation helps our confidence, as well as doing future tasks.  If we didn't have that affirmation, would we think it was worth doing or doing well?  Do you ever do something and hope that someone mentions that you did a good job?  I know I do, maybe it's not the right motivation to do it, but I can admit my faults.  

Yet, there's a much stronger motivation to do your best in this life, especially in your faith: “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.  He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.  Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’  Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?  When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’  And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’"  Matthew 25:31-40.

I can't even imagine what it would feel like to hear that.  Now that's not to say that I'm perfect in my faith-life, as I'm far from perfect, but we all have to strive to live our faith.  If we fall down and let ourselves become lost and remain in the dark, we need to pick ourselves up.  Sometimes we need our friends to assist us in our journeys and struggles (I actually need them constantly), but we also need the Trinity.  If we don't look to God, how are we going to know which way to go and rely on Him? I don't know about you, but I want to hear, "Well done, my good and faithful servant.  I'm trying to keep that as my compass, more and more each day.  Some days I'm more successful, some days I'm less, but I'm doing my best, are you?  

I realize this was kind of a lighter post/reflection, but it'd been on my mind and it's my blog, so I'm gonna do what I want with it.  Anyway to close it out, I'm going to put a video that I just found, by Johanna Philio, and really enjoy, that's very fitting.  

Baby steps

Okay, here's the first of the 2012 posts, a tad bit overdue in my own eyes, but it's been crazy busy.  I'll write about a few of the experiences I've had this week at a later time (hopefully by next week).  However, for now, onward and...well, at least onward.

The past few weeks, we've been encouraged to start keeping a spiritual journal.  I've been somewhat ambivalent towards the whole thing.  I like journaling, but it's a matter of being consistent.  I suppose it's somewhat like blogging, but it requires more dedication.  To an extent, I also suppose I have a stubborn streak (imagine that), as well as being somewhat resistant to being told what to do, even if it's the mildest suggestion.  Yes, I'm a seminarian and I'm somewhat resistant to authority.  So, you ask, what business do I have being a seminarian?  Well, I do my best to conform my heart and will to God's will.  Many times it's not easy, as I have to overcome my own wants and desires.  Also, it won't hurt me to gain more humility, as I can be pretty egotistical at times.  That's something I'm working on too.  Anyway, as for a spiritual journal, there are several benefits to keeping one: reflecting daily on what has happened (or what you pray and hope will happen), it's a form of prayer, you can gain understanding of what you've grown in and what you need to continue to grow in, and gaining a deeper understanding of oneself as a whole person.

On the other hand, I'm still struggling with it because I think to myself, "I already reflect on my day, I know what I've grown in and what I need to work on, and I do understand myself more now than I did even just 6 months ago." And yet, I know that's my pride talking.  So that's one of the struggles going on right now, even though it is a small one. I know the philosophy of "Don't worry about the small stuff", but the small stuff makes up the big stuff.  And in spirituality, we have to worry about the small stuff, even if it's just picking ourselves back up again and working on ways to grow in holiness.  If we don't we'll slip and slide until we find we're in a place we never thought we'd be. Please pray for me as I strive to grow in holiness, and I'm praying for all of you as well.  I also have a few questions, so, if you choose to answer, great, if not, no worries.  Do you have a spiritual journal? If so, was it hard to convince yourself to keep one? If not, have you ever thought of keeping one?  Any comments are always appreciated, have a great night.  And to close it out, I think I'll share Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.