Eyes on Jesus

So, this morning, I got up at 6:30 to be at adoration at 7.  Everybody knows that I'm not particularly a morning person because, if you didn't know before now, I just told you.  I can get up early, it's just not my preference.  However, I still have to adjust to and be okay with it.  We don't have to be friendly, just on speaking terms.  I got about 6 1/2 hours of sleep, so I was okay for the most part.

Ooh, for the most part, that means there was a part that didn't mesh.  It was hard to look at Jesus, both in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar and at the crucifix.  Every time I looked at either, my eyes started to close; so, I was having an internal dialogue with myself and with God trying to keep them open.  I was fighting my body, somewhat unsuccessfully.  Yet, I didn't have to fight at all to keep them open when I looked away from Him.  I had no problem at all and that made me think.

It's so easy to look away from Jesus because following Him can be difficult.  There are things around us that distract us so much that we have to fight to keep our eyes focused on Jesus.  Some of those things, people, or activities are particular to us as individuals (many more than one person struggle with them though), while others are directed at large groups of people at the same time.  Sometimes we fail, or at least I do, and we get wrapped up in ourselves and the things around us because it's enthralling.  However, we get back up and we force ourselves to ignore the things that keep us away from Him.  When we keep our eyes on Jesus during the hard times, the sad times, the happy times, and especially the distracting times, that's perseverance.

We're called to persevere, to say, "God, I'm having trouble keeping my eyes on you, but I love you so I'm going to push through."  We also can't be afraid to ask for help, whether it be "official" spiritual direction, a heart to heart with a mentor or friend or family member.  We can't do this on our own, and God put those people in our lives to help us to Him.  You and I may approach Him as bent and weathered from the storms of life, but He gave us the resources to reach Him.  So, if you need help keeping your eyes on Jesus or refocusing your eyes on Him, ask someone; if someone asks you for help, be the person that helps.  There's a video at the end of the post by the group "Jack's Mannequin" called "Swim."  I don't have any claim to it, but I think it kind of fits with this post.

However, before I close it out, I'd like to give a shout-out to CatholicCollegeStudent.com.  You can find the link for the site beside my blogposts, above the picture of St. James.  It's a new site put together by some friends of mine that is meant to be a resource for Catholic college students, and maybe more.  Right now, there's a few podcasts, some blog posts, and even a video entries.  I'm really looking forward to seeing how the site develops and grows, so please, add it to your favorites.  Until next time.

An encounter

Last Saturday, a group of us went to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago.  We took the Metra to Union Station and ate there.  We sat in the spot that I used to sit in when I was coming back from Milwaukee and waiting for my train back to Quincy.  I had gone to the Pizza Hut in the station (another typical moment for me there) and one of the other guys had chosen the spot to sit in, as he had gotten his food quicker than the other four of us.  I had gotten a personal pan pizza with the breadsticks and drink because it was cheaper.  I knew I would only eat one breadstick, but the other Adam said he'd eat the other two, so I got them.

One table forward in the column to my right, there was a homeless man sitting.  He wasn't asking for any money, he was just minding his own business.  I finished my pizza and the breadstick I was going to eat, then passed the box with the other two to Adam.  He ate one and asked the other three if they wanted the last one, but we were all full.  During that time, the gentleman had gotten what looked to be a small container of candy out and was eating the candy.  I was thinking that if no one else was going to be eating the last breadstick, I should give it to him.  Adam decided to throw it away.  I could have stopped him, I had time to say something, but I didn't.  In a way, I was afraid that the others would think it was a silly idea.  I let that food go to waste.  I was torn, but I didn't act and that's been weighing on me.

The gentleman may have been insulted, sad, or thankful but I'll never know.  I walked away without extending any charity and I'm ashamed that I did that.  I enjoy helping people, even those I don't know, but Christ calls us to it.  It doesn't matter if we enjoy it or if it makes us uncomfortable, we're called to follow Christ and help our brothers and sisters.  I pray that the next time I have the chance to have a similar encounter that I will be a reflection of Christ.  Tonight, I am going to pray for that man and all the men, women and children without a place to call home.

If you have an encounter like that where you live, I'm begging you: be a reflection of Christ.  Extend your hand to your brother or sister.  I realize that it may sound hypocritical, as I was not that reflection; however, I'm striving to be a better Catholic all the time.  Whatever happens in these experiences will make you think and, hopefully, help us become better at living our faith.

living the faith

"[14] How then shall they call on him, in whom they have not believed? Or how shall they believe him, of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear, without a preacher? [15] And how shall they preach unless they be sent, as it is written: How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, of them that bring glad tidings of good things![16] But all do not obey the gospel. For Isaias saith: Lord, who hath believed our report? [17] Faith then cometh by hearing; and hearing by the word of Christ. [18] But I say: Have they not heard? Yes, verily, their sound hath gone forth into all the earth, and their words unto the ends of the whole world. [19] But I say: Hath not Israel known? First, Moses saith: I will provoke you to jealousy by that which is not a nation; by a foolish nation I will anger you. [20] But Isaias is bold, and saith: I was found by them that did not seek me: I appeared openly to them that asked not after me." Romans 10:16-20 Douay-Rheims Translation.

  I realize that it's been a bit since I last posted; however, do not fear, my absence is ended.  Not that you would fear that, it just amuses me to say that.  Anyway, hope all six of you have had a good week.  Today is the last entry for the posts inspired by the retreat, well, kind of.  That's for a different time though.  I seem to be rambling more than normal today, whoops.

  Okay, so some thing really gets under my skin sometimes, the whole concept of, "I'm a Catholic (if you choose, insert other denomination of someone you know who does this), I live my faith and I'm better than you."  I haven't actually encountered anybody that explicitly says this, but I have encountered people who, by their words, actions, and attitudes in general, announce this loudly.  I think to myself, "So, why are you acting like a complete jerk?" I think part of it goes back to disregarding verse 17, "Faith then cometh by hearing; and hearing by the word of Christ." In a way, they act like they are responsible for their faith; as if before the person ever heard, they had faith.  That doesn't work though because what do you have faith in if you haven't heard?  Besides, how are you going to effectively spread the Good News? "Yes, you can be as arrogant as I am when you start learning about and living your faith."  The odds are you turn off many more people than you attract to the Gospel.

 However, the opposite is also not good.  We should not be living a.) completely compartmentalized so that people are surprised when they find out we're Catholic; b.) be afraid to talk about our faith with people and their faith and what they think and feel.  How are others supposed to know the greatness, generosity, and charity of God if we don't live in His truth?  This goes back to "[14] How then shall they call on him, in whom they have not believed? Or how shall they believe him, of whom they have not heard? And how shall they hear, without a preacher? [15] And how shall they preach unless they be sent, as it is written: How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, of them that bring glad tidings of good things!"  Once we know, believe, and have faith, we are responsible for spreading the Gospel.  We're also responsible for obeying the Gospel as verse 16 implies.  

There are some people that I have encountered that are great examples: they're not arrogant, yet they live their faith in a genuine manner.  If you want some names, I can point you to them.  I really think that this is what truly attracts people; and there, hopefully, aren't many people that are either of the extremes.  I do think there are more that lean one way or the other, but living moderation in this is not easy, I'm working on it.  Sometimes it's more successful than other times.  In a way, it's living understanding that while faith is man's response to Grace (a gift from God), faith itself is a gift to us in a sense as well.  We are all responsible for cultivating our faith, nurturing it, and helping others when they have doubts as well; but if God did not give us Graces and act in the world in many different ways, what would the point of having faith be?  So, as I was on retreat, this is the last prayer inspired on the retreat.  Again, it's simple, you can use it freely if you want, but I won't be offended if you don't.  

Most gracious and loving God,

We thank you for the gift of your grace.

It is because of this gift that

We are able to respond.

Truly, it is only right that 

We make our response one

of utmost love and faith.

We praise you and adore, O God.

In your name we pray.

Amen

Struggles and Addictions

^"1For David himself. Judge thou, O Lord, them that wrong me : overthrow them that fight against me. 2 Take hold of arms and shield : and rise up to help me. 3 Bring out the sword, and shut up the way against them that persecute me : say to my soul : I am thy salvation. 4 Let them be confounded and ashamed that seek after my soul. Let them be turned back and be confounded that devise against me. 16 They were separated, and repented not : they tempted me, they scoffed at me with scorn : they gnashed upon me with their teeth. 17 Lord, when wilt thou look upon me? rescue thou soul from their malice : my only one from the lions. 19 Let not them that are my enemies wrongfully rejoice over me : who have hated me without cause, and wink with the eyes. 20 For they spoke indeed peaceably to me; and speaking in the anger of the earth they devised guile. 21 And they opened their mouth wide against me; they said : Well done, well done, our eyes have seen it. 22 Thou hast seen, O Lord, be not thou silent : O Lord, depart not from me.  23 Arise, and be attentive to my judgment : to my cause, my God, and my Lord." Psalm 34: 1-4;16-17;19-23, Again from the Douay-Rheims Bible.
   
This post and the last one really come together with starting out with Scripture, maybe I should look into doing that more often.  Anyway, God helps us right?  He certainly helps me out, more than I'll ever know and in ways I can never fathom.  There are certainly those that deal with those who try to bring them down, who glory in others downfalls.  Thankfully, I don't think I know anybody that exhibits this behavior or even feels that way.

Tonight, though, the physical aspect of this passage isn't what I'm writing about; maybe in the future, we'll see where God leads me.  It's about addictions/unhealthy habits tonight, addictions that try to get the best of us, ones that bring us down, even ones that we don't think of as addictions.  Looking at Pornography? Addiction. Alcholism? Addiction. Bulimia? Addiction.  Cutting? Addiction.  Consistently bringing yourself down? Addiction. There are so many more than that as well; it would take too many posts to list them all.  I'm not judging anybody that deals with these or any other addictions or behaviors.  I've had to battle my own demons in my life and I'm continuously doing so, some times more successfully than others.  They're attractive, in some form, essentially, "They spoke indeed peaceably to me; and speaking in the anger of the earth, they devised guile."  There are probably times (maybe often, maybe not) when we see them in all of their ugly realities, and truly realize what they are currently doing, or have done, to us.  What do you do then?

I'm going to take a brief side route now, just fyi.  It was September of 2009, my fiance had broken up with me in mid-August, I had just found out that my niece had Alpers' Syndrome, it seemed like my life was going downhill fast.  It felt like the ground had just vanished and I was falling, not in the fun parachuting way either. Actually, I can't describe the feeling, it was more intense than what an analogy could attempt.  I'm not trying to be depressing or to paint any body in a bad light, as I don't think badly of anybody involved.  Anyway, what was I going to do? About October, I came up with a brilliant idea, I would go to a bar just about every night and dilute my pain.  Okay, obviously not a good idea, I came up with worse too, but those are more fit for PostSecret.  There were times through-out the school year that I recognized that my ideas were bad ones and probably getting close to addictions.  I cockily, egotistically thought to myself, "Well, if God wanted me to stop, He'd give me a sign, and I don't see anything."  Well, I'm pretty sure He was giving me signs, as I actually gained a lot of good solid friends that year, as well as keeping some friends I had known before, especially through work.  The only thing I can say is God was still watching out for me, even though I didn't see it.  Otherwise, I wouldn't have made and kept the friends I did.

In late April/early May, I was empty and was running on fumes.  I finally realized what I had gotten myself into and it was in those moments that I cried out to God.  I asked Him to rise up in my defense and fight my enemies, my demons.  He had already been shielding me from some of it, but I had to ask Him.  It's hard to conceive of someone that loves us so much that, even though his/her heart is breaking for us, they'll let us embrace our own destruction.  They do what they can, but they won't interfere because we've made our will known.  At the time, my will had been far from embracing God, and He's not going to force some one to embrace Him.  Really, would you force some one to spend his/her life with you if that person does not want to?  I called out to Him though, and He answered me.  He's built me back up.  I still battle a few of the demons/habits/behaviors, but before I get too close to the ledge I ask for His help.  Please, ask for help from God, ask your Guardian Angel, and ask a friend, enlist help in your battles, especially when you recognize what they can do to you if you succumb to them.

This is another prayer that came to me during the retreat, again, it's simple.  If it works for you, wonderful; if it doesn't, I won't be offended.  God Bless.

Lord, I cry out to you.Help me and free me.
My addiction is strangling me,
Cutting me off from you, O Lord.
Be merciful and give your unworthy servant strength.
For it is only through you that I may
Be brought to new life.
Grant me your help, my God,
So that I may resist temptation
and give all glory to you.
In your Holy and Righteous name I pray.
Amen

Being a child of God

"24 Wherefore the law was our pedagogue in Christ, that we might be justified by faith.25 But after the faith is come, we are no longer under a pedagogue. 26 For you are all the children of God by faith, in Christ Jesus. 27 For as many of you as have been baptized in Christ, have put on Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek: there is neither bond nor free: there is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And if you be Christ's, then are you the seed of Abraham, heirs according to the promise." -Galatians 3:24-29 Douay-Rheims Bible.

The definition of pedagogue is a teacher, most often a dull, formal, narrow, precise teacher.  Thanks to Merriam-Webster online for the definition.  One could say that a pedagogue is unimaginative, a teacher who, when asked a background question, or why something is a certain way says something along the lines of, "I don't know why, but it doesn't matter. This is just the way it is, don't ask any more questions."  Well, it doesn't work like that, at least it shouldn't.  

If we do not know the how of the answer, that's okay; the majority of the time we know the why of the answer: because God loves you/us/them.  However, in my not so august opinion, we can't make that a flippant answer either.  When someone asks us why can't animals can't talk with us, or answer should not be, "I don't know, I'm not God.  As I was saying..." or "Because God loves us that's why."  Shouldn't our answer be more along the lines of "Well, because God loves us, he made each animal differently. Humans can talk and understand each other, dogs can bark, cats can meow, cows can moo, etc"?   

 As children of God, we have the obligation to treat each other with the same respect, honesty, and charity that we believe that we deserve.  If they're different than us, have developmental disabilities, aren't a particularly nice person, are children or have to many similarities to us than we're comfortable with it doesn't matter.  They, as children of God, have value; not out of any thing that we as human beings can assign, but because they are God's children.  The opposite is the same as well, we deserve to be treated with respect, honesty, and charity as well.  This is not saying that I expect to be treated better than someone else, or that I am better than you, because I am not; we are all children of God.  Remember though, you need to treat yourself with the same respect, honesty and charity that you treat others.  Yes, you know your own faults, as I know mine.  You also know your own achievements, as I know mine; however, the saying that we are our own worst critics is true, at least most of the time.  So, while this post is wildly different than what I had envisioned when I had the inspiration over the retreat, it still fits.  I wrote/transcribed a few prayers during that time.  I'm not saying they're anything spectacular, as they're simple, and they work for me.  If they work for you too, that's great, I hope they do.  Use them freely, wherever you desire; if you don't want to, I won't be offended.  I'll post them individually with the post that goes with it.  No, I don't have titles for them either.  

God, you know my strengths

and you know my faults.

You know my accomplishments

and my failures.

You shepherd me through the dark times,

as well as the light.

Help me remember, God,

that my value is not in my deeds;

nor does my value diminish if I fall.

I have value because

I am your child

and you made me.

Live in me, Lord,

and fill me with your Spirit.

Amen

And there was silence...

On Friday afternoon, after Mass, we finished our 6 day long silent retreat.  That was spiritually productive, as well as forcing me to take a deeper look at myself again.  I didn't like some of what I saw, as it was ugly, so I re-learned what I need to work on.  I liked a lot of what I saw, as well; however, I need to work to improve that as well.  When all is said and done, I've got work to do.  Thankfully, I've got time, actually, up until the point of my death.  However, just because I have time does not mean that I should procrastinate.  If we as people procrastinate, especially in regards to our spiritual lives, we're only going to get worse.

I'm not happy, or even comfortable, where I am spiritually.  The interesting thing is when I look at some of the spiritual big hitters who are in my life, they're not happy or content with where they are in their own spiritual life.  When they, who are like Humphrey Bogart to my Zac Efron (make fun of him all you want, but he's shown that he's a good actor and can play different roles), some one that will take years and years of work to even reasonably attempt comparing the two, are striving to be better every day, it really makes me think.  It's like, wow, they really love God, and it shows.  The killer thing is, they're humble about it because they had their own spiritual big hitters in their lives and they know what it's like.  They still probably have them.  So you want to be holy?  Pray and work on living a holy, humble life.  Make your exterior actions synchronize with your interior.  I know I've got to work on it, every day, for the rest of my life.  So please, pray for me, I need your prayers.  Maybe one day, you and I will be spiritual big hitters in some one else's life, I certainly hope I'm humble then, continually looking to my spiritual big hitters.  Thanks for joining and following me on this journey in any way that you do.