"1For David himself. Judge thou, O Lord, them that wrong me : overthrow them that fight against me. 2 Take hold of arms and shield : and rise up to help me. 3 Bring out the sword, and shut up the way against them that persecute me : say to my soul : I am thy salvation. 4 Let them be confounded and ashamed that seek after my soul. Let them be turned back and be confounded that devise against me. 16 They were separated, and repented not : they tempted me, they scoffed at me with scorn : they gnashed upon me with their teeth. 17 Lord, when wilt thou look upon me? rescue thou soul from their malice : my only one from the lions. 19 Let not them that are my enemies wrongfully rejoice over me : who have hated me without cause, and wink with the eyes. 20 For they spoke indeed peaceably to me; and speaking in the anger of the earth they devised guile. 21 And they opened their mouth wide against me; they said : Well done, well done, our eyes have seen it. 22 Thou hast seen, O Lord, be not thou silent : O Lord, depart not from me. 23 Arise, and be attentive to my judgment : to my cause, my God, and my Lord." Psalm 34: 1-4;16-17;19-23, Again from the Douay-Rheims Bible.
This post and the last one really come together with starting out with Scripture, maybe I should look into doing that more often. Anyway, God helps us right? He certainly helps me out, more than I'll ever know and in ways I can never fathom. There are certainly those that deal with those who try to bring them down, who glory in others downfalls. Thankfully, I don't think I know anybody that exhibits this behavior or even feels that way.
Tonight, though, the physical aspect of this passage isn't what I'm writing about; maybe in the future, we'll see where God leads me. It's about addictions/unhealthy habits tonight, addictions that try to get the best of us, ones that bring us down, even ones that we don't think of as addictions. Looking at Pornography? Addiction. Alcholism? Addiction. Bulimia? Addiction. Cutting? Addiction. Consistently bringing yourself down? Addiction. There are so many more than that as well; it would take too many posts to list them all. I'm not judging anybody that deals with these or any other addictions or behaviors. I've had to battle my own demons in my life and I'm continuously doing so, some times more successfully than others. They're attractive, in some form, essentially, "They spoke indeed peaceably to me; and speaking in the anger of the earth, they devised guile." There are probably times (maybe often, maybe not) when we see them in all of their ugly realities, and truly realize what they are currently doing, or have done, to us. What do you do then?
I'm going to take a brief side route now, just fyi. It was September of 2009, my fiance had broken up with me in mid-August, I had just found out that my niece had Alpers' Syndrome, it seemed like my life was going downhill fast. It felt like the ground had just vanished and I was falling, not in the fun parachuting way either. Actually, I can't describe the feeling, it was more intense than what an analogy could attempt. I'm not trying to be depressing or to paint any body in a bad light, as I don't think badly of anybody involved. Anyway, what was I going to do? About October, I came up with a brilliant idea, I would go to a bar just about every night and dilute my pain. Okay, obviously not a good idea, I came up with worse too, but those are more fit for PostSecret. There were times through-out the school year that I recognized that my ideas were bad ones and probably getting close to addictions. I cockily, egotistically thought to myself, "Well, if God wanted me to stop, He'd give me a sign, and I don't see anything." Well, I'm pretty sure He was giving me signs, as I actually gained a lot of good solid friends that year, as well as keeping some friends I had known before, especially through work. The only thing I can say is God was still watching out for me, even though I didn't see it. Otherwise, I wouldn't have made and kept the friends I did.
In late April/early May, I was empty and was running on fumes. I finally realized what I had gotten myself into and it was in those moments that I cried out to God. I asked Him to rise up in my defense and fight my enemies, my demons. He had already been shielding me from some of it, but I had to ask Him. It's hard to conceive of someone that loves us so much that, even though his/her heart is breaking for us, they'll let us embrace our own destruction. They do what they can, but they won't interfere because we've made our will known. At the time, my will had been far from embracing God, and He's not going to force some one to embrace Him. Really, would you force some one to spend his/her life with you if that person does not want to? I called out to Him though, and He answered me. He's built me back up. I still battle a few of the demons/habits/behaviors, but before I get too close to the ledge I ask for His help. Please, ask for help from God, ask your Guardian Angel, and ask a friend, enlist help in your battles, especially when you recognize what they can do to you if you succumb to them.
This is another prayer that came to me during the retreat, again, it's simple. If it works for you, wonderful; if it doesn't, I won't be offended. God Bless.
Lord, I cry out to you.Help me and free me.
My addiction is strangling me,
Cutting me off from you, O Lord.
Be merciful and give your unworthy servant strength.
For it is only through you that I may
Be brought to new life.
Grant me your help, my God,
So that I may resist temptation
and give all glory to you.
In your Holy and Righteous name I pray.
Amen
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